As of lately, certain biological impulses have limited my communication with men down to: give me a baby or go to hell.

Dating – not going so well for me.

I am going to get totally wasted right now and when I am drunk I get extremely talk-active so I apologize in advance for the creepy and weird phone calls and messages many of you will be getting soon.

Nosrsly.

I went to the unemployment office today because soon I will be broke, occupationlessish (I like making words up) and probably homeless. The lady signed me in and then asked me what I could consider working with, so I asked her if they had any available porn jobs. Sadly they did not.

But then she added; you know, if that’s what you want to do, you should definitely look around the internet. It’s full of rich men willing to pay for love and various services. She then leaned over her desk and said in a low voice, you should put out an ad; try craigslist, it does work, how do you think I paid for these shoes.



And also, my neighbour has got a new TV. It covers an entire wall and I can see it clearly from my bedroom and I found myself watching his TV instead of mine. It is so High-def it’s unbelievable.

Morning, we watch the news channel because we enjoy hearing about what’s going on in the world. Then we chill to Oprah and random cooking shows. Around 6 pm we watch the Simpson and family guy and laugh ourselves silly. And let’s not forget Xena, we both apparently love Xena and watch it whenever it is on. I moved my bed to the window so I don’t have to stand up and watch. Around midnight we usually chill to some erotic movies and occasionally we flip over to the weather channel to check if tomorrow is going to be a lovely day.

I love my neighbour's new TV, I am so happy he got it. I do wish he would put clothes on though; he has a bad habit of walking around in his boxers.

BITCH AT WORK STOLE MY HO HOS

I am turning 22 tomorrow, so party at my place 8 pm tomorrow (Sept 8th).

Bring your own Bacardi (bring some for me too) and if you can't drink it straight up from the bottle then don't bother coming. This isn't some sort of a sissy party. Also don't expect to get cake because I can't afford that shit. If you want stuff to eat you can bring it yourself. I do have, worst case scenario, a stock of oriental Ramen noodles that I'd be willing to share with you. However I wouldn't recommend it since it doesn't mix to well with Bacardi or any other type of alcohol (speaking from experience here) and oh bring your own cooking supplies if you want to do it anyway; mine got stolen last week.

Need directions?
Take a left turn by the national museum and proceed straight ahead, then left, left, right, left by the library, then right, left, right, right, left (And while you're at it could you drive by the gas station and pick me up a pack of smokes, pay you when you get here).

I live on the 17th floor in that run-down I-cant-believe-its-not-a-skyscraper sad, sad excuse for a building which by the way looks like it has been imported from post accident Chernobyl. I don't think you will have a problem finding my apartment considering my door was kicked in during the last police raid and I have been too lazy to get a new one. Just look for the apartment which has ripped up cardboard boxes duck-taped across the entrance.

Anyway, the party will be Duran Duran and Depeche Mode themed so please bring your platform boots and if possible wear a pirate costumes (at least smack on an eye patch or something). I would also like to take this opportunity to point out that last time I had a birthday party someone threw my couch out of the window and I would just like to make you aware of the fact that I have taken steps to prevent this from happening this year as well so if you for some reason have a problem with putting your fat ass (generalizing here) on a cold floor I would suggest that you bring your own chair. You are free to stay the night - don't expect your wallet, keys, car, clothes and dignity to still be here when you wake up tho.


Also bring me presents.
No presents for me - no party for you.